Thursday, May 29, 2003
Why is it that I usually get more work done in the last 30 minutes before I leave the office than in all of the last 2 or 3 hours of the day? It's something about being able to focus, something about urgency. For some reason, the "fog" or "lack of motivation" is always pretty non-existent from 5:00 - 5:30.
Anyway, last night in Washington Square Park, there was this dude playing guitar. He had a small amp, into which he plugged his acoustic. He had a vocal range from, like, early Joni Mitchell to Johnny Cash, and he played up and down the neck. I love watching guitarists' hands. His buddy, Jeff, asked me if I would sing a song. I sang, "Landslide" which the dude played even though he doesn't know the song very well. Then, I went home & made pierogies.
The best way to eat pierogies: boil them; meanwhile, fry onions in butter; add the pierogies to the hot onions & butter & keep them on the stove until the pierogies get slightly brown on each side (about 5 minutes each side). This is the way my grandma makes them. The pierogies sort of "absorb" the butter into their crispiness & the onions get very sweet. Nothing is better.
--mk
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Anyway, last night in Washington Square Park, there was this dude playing guitar. He had a small amp, into which he plugged his acoustic. He had a vocal range from, like, early Joni Mitchell to Johnny Cash, and he played up and down the neck. I love watching guitarists' hands. His buddy, Jeff, asked me if I would sing a song. I sang, "Landslide" which the dude played even though he doesn't know the song very well. Then, I went home & made pierogies.
The best way to eat pierogies: boil them; meanwhile, fry onions in butter; add the pierogies to the hot onions & butter & keep them on the stove until the pierogies get slightly brown on each side (about 5 minutes each side). This is the way my grandma makes them. The pierogies sort of "absorb" the butter into their crispiness & the onions get very sweet. Nothing is better.
--mk
Wednesday, May 28, 2003
People I once "knew" & their corresponding "Rocky Horror" characters:
1. Sandra -- Brad
2. Cameron -- Rocky
3. Neil -- RiffRaff
4. Ben -- Janet
5. Ashley -- RiffRaff
--m
P.S. - I don't plan on writing this often. It's just all so new right now.
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1. Sandra -- Brad
2. Cameron -- Rocky
3. Neil -- RiffRaff
4. Ben -- Janet
5. Ashley -- RiffRaff
--m
P.S. - I don't plan on writing this often. It's just all so new right now.
There's this Sharon Olds poem about a mother & a small child. The mother grabs the child's arm with force, probably for the first time, and she sees in her daughter's eyes utter surprise that her mother could hurt her like that. And, Olds uses the phrase "the source of all love." The line is something about the daughter realizing that pain can come from the source of all love. (I admit I am not doing it justice.)
I wonder if belief in God comes from "belief in" (the love of) parents -- parents being, as Olds says, the source of all love. I wonder if, because when we are born we experience the phenomenon of having "all powerful beings" that we don't & can't understand take care of our needs, look out for us, etc., some of us come to feel that there is a God because that feeling of there being things beyond what we can understand/of someone being in control/of someone who loves us is part of our psyche. So, maybe the human need to believe in God comes from the human need to be/experience of being cared for when we were vulnerable infants. And, our disenchantment with God comes from our disillusionment with our parents. We realize they are not perfect & that they cannot fully take care of us so that we are safe all the time & so we become angry. Then, our acceptance of God or our faith comes once we have accepted our parents' imperfections.
All of this sort of assumes that the parents did take care of the infant & that the infant did experience this "God." And, I guess that has to be true for everyone to some extent because infants are so utterly dependant that they have to be cared for to survive. But, what if just having the need for care, even if it was unfulfilled, created the belief in it? The infant, by nature, by necessity, by instinct believes he or she will be cared for. The infant cries out to the universe: FEED ME! HOLD ME! MAKE ME COMFORTABLE!
There are people who don't believe in God at all & there are people who are absolutely sure they believe in God. I would guess that most of us exist somewhere under the heading of "conflicted." It's a complicated thing.
The reason I bring this up today is that I spoke to my father on the phone last night. And, we had very little to talk about. Our conversations are "hit & miss." Sometimes, we are able to have these lovely, honest talks, and sometimes we just rush to get off the phone. Last night, we rushed to get off the phone & I felt that the "source of all love" had fallen short of my expectations, had "failed me."
Am I just a baby to still believe that my father will feed me, care for me, make me comfortable?
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I wonder if belief in God comes from "belief in" (the love of) parents -- parents being, as Olds says, the source of all love. I wonder if, because when we are born we experience the phenomenon of having "all powerful beings" that we don't & can't understand take care of our needs, look out for us, etc., some of us come to feel that there is a God because that feeling of there being things beyond what we can understand/of someone being in control/of someone who loves us is part of our psyche. So, maybe the human need to believe in God comes from the human need to be/experience of being cared for when we were vulnerable infants. And, our disenchantment with God comes from our disillusionment with our parents. We realize they are not perfect & that they cannot fully take care of us so that we are safe all the time & so we become angry. Then, our acceptance of God or our faith comes once we have accepted our parents' imperfections.
All of this sort of assumes that the parents did take care of the infant & that the infant did experience this "God." And, I guess that has to be true for everyone to some extent because infants are so utterly dependant that they have to be cared for to survive. But, what if just having the need for care, even if it was unfulfilled, created the belief in it? The infant, by nature, by necessity, by instinct believes he or she will be cared for. The infant cries out to the universe: FEED ME! HOLD ME! MAKE ME COMFORTABLE!
There are people who don't believe in God at all & there are people who are absolutely sure they believe in God. I would guess that most of us exist somewhere under the heading of "conflicted." It's a complicated thing.
The reason I bring this up today is that I spoke to my father on the phone last night. And, we had very little to talk about. Our conversations are "hit & miss." Sometimes, we are able to have these lovely, honest talks, and sometimes we just rush to get off the phone. Last night, we rushed to get off the phone & I felt that the "source of all love" had fallen short of my expectations, had "failed me."
Am I just a baby to still believe that my father will feed me, care for me, make me comfortable?
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
More to come. I just wanted to start this off by saying I saw the movie "A Mighty Wind" last night & Eugene Levy's character reminded me of my ex-boyfriend from a long time ago, someone very intelligent who has a hard time following the correct "rules" of conversation, who follows his own rhythm, who observes things closely.
I remember once we were walking down his father's street & "Jack" stopped to look at a tree. It was just a common tree, but he said, "Wow! That's a beautiful tree." So, we looked at the tree for, I don't know, 5 or 10 minutes, and after a short time, I started to really see what he was talking about, how the tree was beautiful even though it looked like nothing special if you didn't really look at it.
It reminds me of an Andy Warhol quote (which I'm probably slightly messing up here): "If everyone isn't a beauty, then no one is."
Anyway, that's it for now.
-mk
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I remember once we were walking down his father's street & "Jack" stopped to look at a tree. It was just a common tree, but he said, "Wow! That's a beautiful tree." So, we looked at the tree for, I don't know, 5 or 10 minutes, and after a short time, I started to really see what he was talking about, how the tree was beautiful even though it looked like nothing special if you didn't really look at it.
It reminds me of an Andy Warhol quote (which I'm probably slightly messing up here): "If everyone isn't a beauty, then no one is."
Anyway, that's it for now.
-mk
