Wednesday, May 28, 2003
There's this Sharon Olds poem about a mother & a small child. The mother grabs the child's arm with force, probably for the first time, and she sees in her daughter's eyes utter surprise that her mother could hurt her like that. And, Olds uses the phrase "the source of all love." The line is something about the daughter realizing that pain can come from the source of all love. (I admit I am not doing it justice.)
I wonder if belief in God comes from "belief in" (the love of) parents -- parents being, as Olds says, the source of all love. I wonder if, because when we are born we experience the phenomenon of having "all powerful beings" that we don't & can't understand take care of our needs, look out for us, etc., some of us come to feel that there is a God because that feeling of there being things beyond what we can understand/of someone being in control/of someone who loves us is part of our psyche. So, maybe the human need to believe in God comes from the human need to be/experience of being cared for when we were vulnerable infants. And, our disenchantment with God comes from our disillusionment with our parents. We realize they are not perfect & that they cannot fully take care of us so that we are safe all the time & so we become angry. Then, our acceptance of God or our faith comes once we have accepted our parents' imperfections.
All of this sort of assumes that the parents did take care of the infant & that the infant did experience this "God." And, I guess that has to be true for everyone to some extent because infants are so utterly dependant that they have to be cared for to survive. But, what if just having the need for care, even if it was unfulfilled, created the belief in it? The infant, by nature, by necessity, by instinct believes he or she will be cared for. The infant cries out to the universe: FEED ME! HOLD ME! MAKE ME COMFORTABLE!
There are people who don't believe in God at all & there are people who are absolutely sure they believe in God. I would guess that most of us exist somewhere under the heading of "conflicted." It's a complicated thing.
The reason I bring this up today is that I spoke to my father on the phone last night. And, we had very little to talk about. Our conversations are "hit & miss." Sometimes, we are able to have these lovely, honest talks, and sometimes we just rush to get off the phone. Last night, we rushed to get off the phone & I felt that the "source of all love" had fallen short of my expectations, had "failed me."
Am I just a baby to still believe that my father will feed me, care for me, make me comfortable?
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I wonder if belief in God comes from "belief in" (the love of) parents -- parents being, as Olds says, the source of all love. I wonder if, because when we are born we experience the phenomenon of having "all powerful beings" that we don't & can't understand take care of our needs, look out for us, etc., some of us come to feel that there is a God because that feeling of there being things beyond what we can understand/of someone being in control/of someone who loves us is part of our psyche. So, maybe the human need to believe in God comes from the human need to be/experience of being cared for when we were vulnerable infants. And, our disenchantment with God comes from our disillusionment with our parents. We realize they are not perfect & that they cannot fully take care of us so that we are safe all the time & so we become angry. Then, our acceptance of God or our faith comes once we have accepted our parents' imperfections.
All of this sort of assumes that the parents did take care of the infant & that the infant did experience this "God." And, I guess that has to be true for everyone to some extent because infants are so utterly dependant that they have to be cared for to survive. But, what if just having the need for care, even if it was unfulfilled, created the belief in it? The infant, by nature, by necessity, by instinct believes he or she will be cared for. The infant cries out to the universe: FEED ME! HOLD ME! MAKE ME COMFORTABLE!
There are people who don't believe in God at all & there are people who are absolutely sure they believe in God. I would guess that most of us exist somewhere under the heading of "conflicted." It's a complicated thing.
The reason I bring this up today is that I spoke to my father on the phone last night. And, we had very little to talk about. Our conversations are "hit & miss." Sometimes, we are able to have these lovely, honest talks, and sometimes we just rush to get off the phone. Last night, we rushed to get off the phone & I felt that the "source of all love" had fallen short of my expectations, had "failed me."
Am I just a baby to still believe that my father will feed me, care for me, make me comfortable?
