Friday, October 28, 2011
Joni/365
I have spent 2011 doing a 365 Photography Project. The way it works is I take a picture to represent each day (give or take). The project has gone well, given that it’s October 28th, and I’m still at it. At the end of the year, I’ll figure out what to do with all of the pictures.
For 2012, I might do the same thing, but a “365 Sentences Project” or a “365 Observations Project” or just a written list of things that happened that day. Yesterday, Joe and I found out that Joni is 15 weeks pregnant. We left the house pretty late to meet her in Carroll Gardens. Beth and Joslyn were there, as well. Joni is going to see the Ts this weekend, to meet their baby girl, Edna, in North Carolina. We talked about Josh and Amanda’s show and how The Taco Party was the funniest thing we’d ever seen. Jos and I talked about “Sleep No More.” Joni mentioned how she had the “Inking” procedure and how it was really painful for her. (It wasn’t for me, but I realized they told me to take IBU first; they didn’t tell her to take it).
At the end of the night (not too late – maybe 10:45 or so), Joe and I reached our block, and I realized that when we had been home earlier, cozy, eating black bean burgers, watching “Revenge,” I had been totally present. Then, when we were meeting with Joni, Jos, and Beth, I was also totally present. I wish we had more of Joni in our lives. She glows. She shines. She is one of those people.
-d
Monday, July 10, 2006
If I Could Spin Around the World
I'm recording Superman I onto DVD from HBO. Shhhh... Don't tell the authorities. (Authorities: If you're reading, don't worry. I do not intend to show or sell this recording.) (Shit. Now, I feel like I should change all of that to say I'm "watchin" Superman to avoid the whole thing, but then I think it's funny to keep all of this here. Shit.)
I have really been recording more than watching. I've been reading about Saussure for my class which meets tonight.
I'm also making lunch.
While I'm reading/making lunch/half-watching, Superman sees that Lois has died. He clenches his fist and looks so utterly defeated. He flies to space, spins the world around, reverses time, and of course, saves her.
Joe wrote a song about a year after Jeff died that has the lyric, "If I could spin around the world or say the proper word/If I could come and save your day or somehow raise the dead, I would."
The song used to make me cry, largely because it pushed a button that hurt, like pushing on a bruise; largely because it touched me, like showing me that someone really cared/cares about what happened, and shows that Joe was affected by Jeff's death and my grief even though he didn't know my brother; largely because it expresses a sentiment I share (the desire to reverse the past and make everything better).
I understood the Superman reference immediately even though I hadn't seen the movie for a long time. Seeing the scene today reminds me of the song.
Time to eat tacos. :)
-d
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I have really been recording more than watching. I've been reading about Saussure for my class which meets tonight.
I'm also making lunch.
While I'm reading/making lunch/half-watching, Superman sees that Lois has died. He clenches his fist and looks so utterly defeated. He flies to space, spins the world around, reverses time, and of course, saves her.
Joe wrote a song about a year after Jeff died that has the lyric, "If I could spin around the world or say the proper word/If I could come and save your day or somehow raise the dead, I would."
The song used to make me cry, largely because it pushed a button that hurt, like pushing on a bruise; largely because it touched me, like showing me that someone really cared/cares about what happened, and shows that Joe was affected by Jeff's death and my grief even though he didn't know my brother; largely because it expresses a sentiment I share (the desire to reverse the past and make everything better).
I understood the Superman reference immediately even though I hadn't seen the movie for a long time. Seeing the scene today reminds me of the song.
Time to eat tacos. :)
-d
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Been a Long Time, Been a Long Time...
What a freaking year. Yes, I am still here even though I haven't written in over a year. I am teaching high school now, and I finally reached summer vacay about 1 1/2 weeks ago. What a crazy year. I discovered so much, mainly how much my organizational abilities must improve in order to make this job doable and how crazy teenagers can be.
There is so much to write that I do not know what to choose.
This morning, I have been reading a book by Mel Levine called The Myth of Laziness. It's about how learning disabilities add to "output failure" in kids and then they are labelled "lazy" by teachers, parents, peers, and that labelling is not a productive way to help these kids. Ok, ok, ok. My red flag goes up: "output failure" i.e. "not doing anything"?!?!? Sounds like a euphemism, an excuse, perhaps, an obvious description. How does it help to call it "output failure" instead of "not doing something"? Not sure.
Then, I read on about the first case, a obese 11 year old who told his highly-educated parents over dinner one night that he was thinking of killing himself because he was sad and just didn't know why he should live. This caught my attention, of course, because of my brother, but also because I felt so lucky for those parents. I think I even said, "You are SO lucky he told you this" out loud, here on the couch, with my kitty sleeping and Joe (fiance) at rehearsal. Suddenly, I was attached. Would this story have a happy ending?
Dr. Levine broke down all of these motor functions that are involved with sports and writing, which were two areas of "output" (I, finding myself more willing to use Levine's terms now) that the kid was struggling with -- little details like being able to tell by touch (instead of the more tedious/less accurate by sight) where you are in the formation of a letter. He tested this kid and found where his psycho-motor breakdowns were occuring. He "demystified" these breakdowns to the kid so that the kid had some perspective, some hard data stating his strengths and weaknesses. The kid's shrink put him on anti-anxiety meds. The PE teacher gave him tasks that he was more likely to succeed at. The physical therapist worked with him on his writing troubles. The parents, doctors, teachers, therapists, etc., designed this major program of treatment for our 11 year old and "Voila!". A lot of close observation, testing, conversation, strategic planning later, this kid has techniques to help improve the areas of his life at which he was failing.
He is no longer a "lazy failure," or a "disappointment to those he loves" -- reasons why one would want to kill oneself at age 11 or 16 or 24 or any age, I suppose.
As I read this book, I thought of a few things. I thought of this kid named AN to whom I grew quite attached even though he was an enormous pain in the butt the whole year. He would not work. He came to class almost every day. He was extremely social. About halfway through the year, I finally discovered that he read and wrote on a very low level, despite sounding very bright in conversation. He stuck with me because I had no idea whatsoever what to do about him and failed him miserably. Of course, I am not the only adult in his life, so it's not all on me, but I certainly did not help him solve his reading and writing problems.
Another thing I thought of was how I really should make individual anecdotes on a weekly or bi-weekly basis about each kid next year. Since I tend to think on paper much better than in my head or in conversation, having the discipline to write about each kid (even 3 sentences) will help me focus on what each kid needs and make a plan to help.
Another thing I thought of was how much more rewarding it might be to be a person who works with kids on a personal basis than it is to be a teacher who tries to juggle so many kids, often all at once. I think that the hardest skill to master is playing the whole game/team/class at once and knowing what's going on with each piece simultaneously and actually being able to tend to each kid. I think that on a one-on-one or two-on-one basis, I can help almost any kid at least somewhat. But, I am not a professional tutor. Tutors do not make enough to live on and it's probably hard to fnd that gig. I am a teacher.
more later...
-d
|
There is so much to write that I do not know what to choose.
This morning, I have been reading a book by Mel Levine called The Myth of Laziness. It's about how learning disabilities add to "output failure" in kids and then they are labelled "lazy" by teachers, parents, peers, and that labelling is not a productive way to help these kids. Ok, ok, ok. My red flag goes up: "output failure" i.e. "not doing anything"?!?!? Sounds like a euphemism, an excuse, perhaps, an obvious description. How does it help to call it "output failure" instead of "not doing something"? Not sure.
Then, I read on about the first case, a obese 11 year old who told his highly-educated parents over dinner one night that he was thinking of killing himself because he was sad and just didn't know why he should live. This caught my attention, of course, because of my brother, but also because I felt so lucky for those parents. I think I even said, "You are SO lucky he told you this" out loud, here on the couch, with my kitty sleeping and Joe (fiance) at rehearsal. Suddenly, I was attached. Would this story have a happy ending?
Dr. Levine broke down all of these motor functions that are involved with sports and writing, which were two areas of "output" (I, finding myself more willing to use Levine's terms now) that the kid was struggling with -- little details like being able to tell by touch (instead of the more tedious/less accurate by sight) where you are in the formation of a letter. He tested this kid and found where his psycho-motor breakdowns were occuring. He "demystified" these breakdowns to the kid so that the kid had some perspective, some hard data stating his strengths and weaknesses. The kid's shrink put him on anti-anxiety meds. The PE teacher gave him tasks that he was more likely to succeed at. The physical therapist worked with him on his writing troubles. The parents, doctors, teachers, therapists, etc., designed this major program of treatment for our 11 year old and "Voila!". A lot of close observation, testing, conversation, strategic planning later, this kid has techniques to help improve the areas of his life at which he was failing.
He is no longer a "lazy failure," or a "disappointment to those he loves" -- reasons why one would want to kill oneself at age 11 or 16 or 24 or any age, I suppose.
As I read this book, I thought of a few things. I thought of this kid named AN to whom I grew quite attached even though he was an enormous pain in the butt the whole year. He would not work. He came to class almost every day. He was extremely social. About halfway through the year, I finally discovered that he read and wrote on a very low level, despite sounding very bright in conversation. He stuck with me because I had no idea whatsoever what to do about him and failed him miserably. Of course, I am not the only adult in his life, so it's not all on me, but I certainly did not help him solve his reading and writing problems.
Another thing I thought of was how I really should make individual anecdotes on a weekly or bi-weekly basis about each kid next year. Since I tend to think on paper much better than in my head or in conversation, having the discipline to write about each kid (even 3 sentences) will help me focus on what each kid needs and make a plan to help.
Another thing I thought of was how much more rewarding it might be to be a person who works with kids on a personal basis than it is to be a teacher who tries to juggle so many kids, often all at once. I think that the hardest skill to master is playing the whole game/team/class at once and knowing what's going on with each piece simultaneously and actually being able to tend to each kid. I think that on a one-on-one or two-on-one basis, I can help almost any kid at least somewhat. But, I am not a professional tutor. Tutors do not make enough to live on and it's probably hard to fnd that gig. I am a teacher.
more later...
-d
Monday, April 04, 2005
"Well, I love that man, Pope John Paul III.I love him, probably more than he deserves. Okay, so he persecutes homosexuals,does not believe in abortion, vists with Kurt Waldheimand tells us not to take the Pill,there's still a certain je ne sais quoi...Some peace, some love some goodwill Yeah, the Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope Pope." -Meryn Cadell
Obviously, it's John Paul II, but I guess she needed the rhyme.
-d
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Obviously, it's John Paul II, but I guess she needed the rhyme.
-d
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
The Gates
Maybe it's because they're ephemeral like spring flowers. Maybe it's because it's so warm and sunny today it feels like spring. Maybe it's because they make you see the park differently. Maybe it's because there are so many of them. Maybe it's because the dogs in the park don't know what to do -- to sniff, to pee, to bark, to jump. Maybe it's because so many people are taking pictures and video of them. Maybe it's because the artists say they mean nothing. Maybe it's the composition -- how they are arranged in the park. Maybe it's because they blow in the wind. Maybe it's because they are heavier than I thought they'd be. Maybe it's because there are millions of people flocking to see them. Maybe it's because they are easy to be cynical about. Maybe it's because it's ok to be cynical about them if that's your reaction. Maybe it's because "On the Street Where You Live" started going through my head when I saw them. Maybe it's because they make people who work in this area go to the park. Maybe it's because it rained yesterday. Maybe it's because I'm in love. Maybe it's because they're orange.
-d
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Maybe it's because they're ephemeral like spring flowers. Maybe it's because it's so warm and sunny today it feels like spring. Maybe it's because they make you see the park differently. Maybe it's because there are so many of them. Maybe it's because the dogs in the park don't know what to do -- to sniff, to pee, to bark, to jump. Maybe it's because so many people are taking pictures and video of them. Maybe it's because the artists say they mean nothing. Maybe it's the composition -- how they are arranged in the park. Maybe it's because they blow in the wind. Maybe it's because they are heavier than I thought they'd be. Maybe it's because there are millions of people flocking to see them. Maybe it's because they are easy to be cynical about. Maybe it's because it's ok to be cynical about them if that's your reaction. Maybe it's because "On the Street Where You Live" started going through my head when I saw them. Maybe it's because they make people who work in this area go to the park. Maybe it's because it rained yesterday. Maybe it's because I'm in love. Maybe it's because they're orange.
-d
Monday, January 31, 2005
Rock the Boat, Don't Rock the Boat Baby
I just found out I was born the same year the word "disco" was coined.
-d
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-d
Monday, January 24, 2005
Mind the Gap
Some 18 inches of snow on Saturday. It started around noon & ended after I'd already gone to bed. Sunday, there were heaps. People were shoveling their little plots of the sidewalk & their steps & digging out cars. The kids two doors down built a little snowman in the yard & one of them, a small girl, was rolling around in the snow in her white & silver down jacket. Her dad & mom were just out there watching as the kids had the time of their lives.
A few years ago, a roommate I had took me sledding. I got up early (8:00 or 8:30) to feed the cat & she was dressed & ready. She asked if I was up & if I wanted to go sledding. We walked down to the park, threw a few snowballs at some kids, and slid down the little hill by the swimming pool a half-dozen times. Time of my life.
Joe & I talked about sledding on Sunday when the snow had stopped but so much was on the ground. But, we didn't wake up until 10 & then my sister called & I talked to her for awhile & then we watched a little of "Parenthood" & made lunch & before we knew it, it was 4:00 & would have been dark soon. Plus, maybe all the plastic sleds were sold out at the drugstore.
I would like to be the "type of person" who gets up & gets to the park on time to slide down a hill. I think the difference between being "youthful & energetic" and "adult & boring" is the difference between playing in the snow & staying snowed in. I also know the difference between the two is just getting your butt out the door.
But, it's hard to be motivated & to have the energy. I really do not have as much energy as I used to. There's still the grey cloud, which I've never really emerged from & maybe never will completely, but maybe that's not all of it. Maybe it's also that I'm older now too, don't exercise enough, have the comfort of a warm home & boyfriend who lives there with me.
I feel like I need to fight this feeling of lethargy more than I do. I just don't enjoy everything I used to enjoy. Theoretically, I want to be the girl playing in the snow, & when I can get out there, I think I like it; it's just so damn hard to get out there & do it.
But, I am trying.
-d
|
A few years ago, a roommate I had took me sledding. I got up early (8:00 or 8:30) to feed the cat & she was dressed & ready. She asked if I was up & if I wanted to go sledding. We walked down to the park, threw a few snowballs at some kids, and slid down the little hill by the swimming pool a half-dozen times. Time of my life.
Joe & I talked about sledding on Sunday when the snow had stopped but so much was on the ground. But, we didn't wake up until 10 & then my sister called & I talked to her for awhile & then we watched a little of "Parenthood" & made lunch & before we knew it, it was 4:00 & would have been dark soon. Plus, maybe all the plastic sleds were sold out at the drugstore.
I would like to be the "type of person" who gets up & gets to the park on time to slide down a hill. I think the difference between being "youthful & energetic" and "adult & boring" is the difference between playing in the snow & staying snowed in. I also know the difference between the two is just getting your butt out the door.
But, it's hard to be motivated & to have the energy. I really do not have as much energy as I used to. There's still the grey cloud, which I've never really emerged from & maybe never will completely, but maybe that's not all of it. Maybe it's also that I'm older now too, don't exercise enough, have the comfort of a warm home & boyfriend who lives there with me.
I feel like I need to fight this feeling of lethargy more than I do. I just don't enjoy everything I used to enjoy. Theoretically, I want to be the girl playing in the snow, & when I can get out there, I think I like it; it's just so damn hard to get out there & do it.
But, I am trying.
-d
