Monday, June 02, 2003
I watched the season finale of "Six Feet Under" last night. It was a particularly graphic and disturbing episode, but in general, I think the show is important because it explores issues of death like no other popular culture vessel. In the show, the mother remarried. After her wedding, she walked into the kitchen to find her ex-husband (deceased) crying. Before the wedding, the daughter, Claire, went to the cemetery to visit her father's grave, and her father was there among all the deceased, who were having a sort of carnival or picnic. There were balloons & crowds of people who looked like they were having a great time. She ran into her ex-boyfriend who she didn't know had died (& it isn't clear if he did die since the entire thing was in her mind, in a way) & her sister-in-law, who had been missing for some 8 weeks or so (I estimate). (Later in the episode it was revealed that the sister-in-law had in fact died, but I digress.)
At the "cemetery picnic," the deceased all seemed to be completely at peace. The ex-boyfriend was playing frisbee with his little brother who died in a gun accident in the first season of the show. He looked completely loving, completely happy. He told Claire that he was too selfish when he was alive and that it is better now. He told her he enjoys taking care of his little brother. Likewise, the sister-in-law was completely aglow with joy.
So, the show has made me think about my own best guess of what it means to be dead. I am trying to come to terms with what it means from the point of view of the living -- the sadness of knowing you are never going to see the person again, and the wondering what life really means, what is important, etc. These questions (& more) will probably take me years to sort out.
It has only been 6 months since I lost one of the closest people to me, my brother. It is the first time I have ever lost an immediate family member. In a weird way, it helps me to know that death is universal, that a lot of people die everyday (just as a lot of people are born everyday). It lessens the despair, just to know that it is a shared despair, that it is "normal" to feel the despair, that it is "part of life" (don't say these things to me, though; I hate it when people try to "talk it away" or make sense of it).
Sometimes, I feel like we are truly just insects on the planet's face (to paraphrase that song from "Rocky Horror"). What does it mean? Connection with other humans is important, yes, but other than that, what does it mean? We are just animals. We are nothing, really. When someone dies, he really just vanishes into thin air (or so I feel). There are a zillion other people around, and he is only missed by those who knew him personally. Everyone else couldn't give a damn. Time marches forward.
That issue was explored in the show, as well, when the daughter asked the father if he was angry at the mother remarrying. He said, "He's alive and I'm not, so that pretty much seals it up for him, doesn't it?" (not an exact quote, despite punctuation).
It's a cruel truth. Death is a cruel, cruel truth. They say that in time it seems less so, but I think you have to go through the terrible part of it to get to the other side of it. Anyway, that's my hope speaking. Hi, Hope.
--mk
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At the "cemetery picnic," the deceased all seemed to be completely at peace. The ex-boyfriend was playing frisbee with his little brother who died in a gun accident in the first season of the show. He looked completely loving, completely happy. He told Claire that he was too selfish when he was alive and that it is better now. He told her he enjoys taking care of his little brother. Likewise, the sister-in-law was completely aglow with joy.
So, the show has made me think about my own best guess of what it means to be dead. I am trying to come to terms with what it means from the point of view of the living -- the sadness of knowing you are never going to see the person again, and the wondering what life really means, what is important, etc. These questions (& more) will probably take me years to sort out.
It has only been 6 months since I lost one of the closest people to me, my brother. It is the first time I have ever lost an immediate family member. In a weird way, it helps me to know that death is universal, that a lot of people die everyday (just as a lot of people are born everyday). It lessens the despair, just to know that it is a shared despair, that it is "normal" to feel the despair, that it is "part of life" (don't say these things to me, though; I hate it when people try to "talk it away" or make sense of it).
Sometimes, I feel like we are truly just insects on the planet's face (to paraphrase that song from "Rocky Horror"). What does it mean? Connection with other humans is important, yes, but other than that, what does it mean? We are just animals. We are nothing, really. When someone dies, he really just vanishes into thin air (or so I feel). There are a zillion other people around, and he is only missed by those who knew him personally. Everyone else couldn't give a damn. Time marches forward.
That issue was explored in the show, as well, when the daughter asked the father if he was angry at the mother remarrying. He said, "He's alive and I'm not, so that pretty much seals it up for him, doesn't it?" (not an exact quote, despite punctuation).
It's a cruel truth. Death is a cruel, cruel truth. They say that in time it seems less so, but I think you have to go through the terrible part of it to get to the other side of it. Anyway, that's my hope speaking. Hi, Hope.
--mk
